NDhoosier 1,229 Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 (edited) Hey guys and girls (would definitely love to hear from both genders here), just wondering if anyone is willing to give their perspective on something I have been frustrated with for a couple weeks now. Some of this is going to sound a little foolish or petty, it may not, I dont know: 6 months ago, met a girl, asked her out, she said yes, we hit it off, got into a relationship a month later. Everything was amazing for the first 4 months into the relationship, then I screwed up. We were hanging out at her place and I got frustrated with her dog (long story) to the point I left, but I lied to her and told her I was sick. I eventually came clean a couple days later out of guilt (she never questioned me about it or anything). She became upset for a couple days because I lied to her (which I understand, I know some may be saying it was a "white lie"), but I did apologize to her about the lie and we smoothed things over. Then she got sick and we barely saw each other for about 2 weeks. Suddenly she texted me that she wanted to break up because of the stress in her life (She absolutely hates her job and they treat her like ****, her parents also live overseas and she misses them a lot) and said that she could not properly take care of a boyfriend right now. She texted because she was on the phone with her mom and she did not think she could handle a conversation in person over this. I spoke with her friend who pretty much told me the same thing, that it was because she couldnt handle a boyfriend at the time because of the stress. She is looking to have a new job in about 5 months (same department as me actually), we havent spoken to each other in about 10 days and her friend supports her decision because she went through something similar, so I wont get any help there. My issue is that I want her back and I know the chances of us getting back together in 5 months time is slim to none, especially when we arent really talking because I am giving her some space and because I am not really sure what to say. My question for you all is what do you think I should do? 1) Convince her that I was happy beforehand and have a deep conversation about our relationship (probably not the best wording on the last part) 2) Stay in contact with her somehow (would I fall in the friend zone? I dont want that) 3) Something else *How would you go about the decision you advise? I like her a lot and I dont understand the notion that she cannot take care of a boyfriend right now when she was doing great up until I screwed up. I dont need to be taken care of, but I am not sure what I should do next. I am not saying I am innocent in all this and I plan to apologize for the lie more properly and willing to talk to her about how we would change things, if anything, if we got back together (no, I will not beg for her back or become her slave to get her back, I am not desperate, maybe I have fallen for her, I dont know). However, with the reason being mostly "not-me," there is where it gets tricky. She is emotional right now with everything going on in her life, and rightly so. She told me everything that was going on and I feel terrible for her, but I supported her. What I dont understand is why go through this alone when I can be someone she vents to? Before anyone says it, no, I know for a fact that there is not another guy in the picture. Edited December 5, 2015 by NDhoosier Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nickman54 0 Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 Get her pregnant. That always fixes things up nicely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim2Dokes 3 Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 (edited) First off would need to know both ages to understand the thought process that is going on here. This sounds like early 20s stuff. If that is the case, move on and don't believe the story. It's okay, many other fish in the sea and all that. I have used that excuse before and other girls in my life have used it. It's not you its me essentially. I would just chalk it up as her loss and keep it movin. Heres a couple of hip hop songs to get you going: [ame] [/ame] [ame] [/ame] This is what I used in my day to get over these types of things. Hope it helps, good luck. Edited December 5, 2015 by Jim2Dokes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CanadianIrish 0 Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 Hit up Tinder. Harrrrrrdddddd Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DTCBND03 0 Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 Your story is eerily similar to mine. I was 29 and met a girl through friends...dated her for about 4-5 months and fell for her HARD. She was gorgeous and literally laughed at everything. We were having a great time and I thought she was perfect...like the "I'm done looking and will probably marry this girl after a few years" perfect. Anyways, she had a lot of stress going on in her life too: her parents were separating/divorcing, her sister was marrying a loser, she had very low confidence and some body image issues, and some other stress factors. We never fought and when she would bring the stressful stuff up I would be supportive 110%....just listen and give her good advice if she asked. Anyways, one day she said she was "sick" and I didn't hear from her for a few days. So I brought her over some "get well" stuff and everything seemed fine. Another few days go by not hearing from her and I'm finally like "what is going on?" and she says the standard "we need to talk". She wanted to break up cause of the "stress" in her life. That's when I literally flipped out on her...basically said I've listened to your F'n stress stories and put up with your bulls--- issues while being supportive and suddenly I'm ADDING stress to your life??? We broke up...and I'll fast forward through the rest with some highlights: 1. Took me a while to get over this girl and likely ruined the next 2 girls I dated later that summer/fall. Both were great girls too. Don't let this happen to you. Made my ex crazy with jealousy but she still didn't want to date again....that's when I realized she was crazy. 2. Found out from her friends that this is what she does. Dates a guy for a few months. Breaks up. Has commitment issues. 3. If I'm ADDING stress to this girl's life then I'm not the right guy for her. Or she's crazy. Or she's using stress/timing as an excuse. Most girls turn to boyfriends to vent and not be alone. 4. Looking back I realized I've dodged a bullet. It's been 3 years now and this girl is still single despite being gorgeous. I've realized the issues were more brought onto herself. Had we continued dating it prob woulda sucked and broken up later...glad I got out in 5 months. 5. There's tons more girls out there. Waaay happier with current girlfriend. I realize dating has a lot to do with timing. But stress isn't timing. That's just normal life. So she's either not into you. Using stress as an excuse. Not a strong person and will run at first sign of stress. Or just plain doesn't want to date you. Or she just got really really pissed about the dog thing. Remember dogs are higher than humans with some pet owners. Either way there's no going back. I would stop overthinking it and just move on man...it's tough but there's plenty of girls out there. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
echo88 74 Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 Chloroform typically tends to erase any feelings of reluctance or rejection... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GunSlinger 28 Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 Every relationship is great the first 4 months. Get out while you can she sounds nuts or full of crap, you'll be saving yourself a lot of future headaches. Especially if you think screwing up is telling a little white lie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rocketsan 768 Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 Need more info on "the dog story"... If she's transferring to your department, I'd totally steer clear... of all the cops I know and work with...only ONE has had any longevity or success dating in house... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Handsome Jack 0 Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 If you were important to her, she would want to lean on you rather than drop you. As she said, you are simply her current boyfriend at the time and nothing special. And she no longer has time for you. She probably was peeved that you are having issues 20th her dog and then probably thought it was weak sauce that you couldn't tell her that is why you left. Simply find a girl who is wife worthy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rocketsan 768 Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 If you were important to her, she would want to lean on you rather than drop you. Woah, maybe she's currently going through a trying time seeing her parents split up. It's difficult to see people you love end a significant relationship (that probably spawned her). Not really the best time to be embracing and enhancing your own love life... Ultimately I ask...what would Sligo do...? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VCDomer 68 Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 Hey guys and girls (would definitely love to hear from both genders here), just wondering if anyone is willing to give their perspective on something I have been frustrated with for a couple weeks now. Some of this is going to sound a little foolish or petty, it may not, I dont know: 6 months ago, met a girl, asked her out, she said yes, we hit it off, got into a relationship a month later. Everything was amazing for the first 4 months into the relationship, then I screwed up. We were hanging out at her place and I got frustrated with her dog (long story) to the point I left, but I lied to her and told her I was sick. I eventually came clean a couple days later out of guilt (she never questioned me about it or anything). She became upset for a couple days because I lied to her (which I understand, I know some may be saying it was a "white lie"), but I did apologize to her about the lie and we smoothed things over. Then she got sick and we barely saw each other for about 2 weeks. Suddenly she texted me that she wanted to break up because of the stress in her life (She absolutely hates her job and they treat her like ****, her parents also live overseas and she misses them a lot) and said that she could not properly take care of a boyfriend right now. She texted because she was on the phone with her mom and she did not think she could handle a conversation in person over this. I spoke with her friend who pretty much told me the same thing, that it was because she couldnt handle a boyfriend at the time because of the stress. She is looking to have a new job in about 5 months (same department as me actually), we havent spoken to each other in about 10 days and her friend supports her decision because she went through something similar, so I wont get any help there. My issue is that I want her back and I know the chances of us getting back together in 5 months time is slim to none, especially when we arent really talking because I am giving her some space and because I am not really sure what to say. My question for you all is what do you think I should do? 1) Convince her that I was happy beforehand and have a deep conversation about our relationship (probably not the best wording on the last part) 2) Stay in contact with her somehow (would I fall in the friend zone? I dont want that) 3) Something else *How would you go about the decision you advise? I like her a lot and I dont understand the notion that she cannot take care of a boyfriend right now when she was doing great up until I screwed up. I dont need to be taken care of, but I am not sure what I should do next. I am not saying I am innocent in all this and I plan to apologize for the lie more properly and willing to talk to her about how we would change things, if anything, if we got back together (no, I will not beg for her back or become her slave to get her back, I am not desperate, maybe I have fallen for her, I dont know). However, with the reason being mostly "not-me," there is where it gets tricky. She is emotional right now with everything going on in her life, and rightly so. She told me everything that was going on and I feel terrible for her, but I supported her. What I dont understand is why go through this alone when I can be someone she vents to? Before anyone says it, no, I know for a fact that there is not another guy in the picture. In all honesty, you seem like a very decent guy. Count your blessings and move on. Too many red flags IMHO. You dodged a bullet (tongue in cheek) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Handsome Jack 0 Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 (edited) Woah, maybe she's currently going through a trying time seeing her parents split up. It's difficult to see people you love end a significant relationship (that probably spawned her). Not really the best time to be embracing and enhancing your own love life... Ultimately I ask...what would Sligo do...? I didn't see anything about her parents splitting up. Or is that conjecture? Just too many red flags. Edited December 5, 2015 by Handsome Jack Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rocketsan 768 Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 I didn't see anything about her parents splitting up. Or is that conjecture? Just too many red flags. Crap, I mixed up the other novella in this thread... Nevermind! lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ELDER06 248 Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 I'm pretty sure there aren't any women posters on here, so this probably isn't the best place to get a female POV. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Handsome Jack 0 Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 Love. You know the rules. And so does Rick Astley. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VCDomer 68 Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 I am pretty sure Sligo is female. At least based on some poster drool previously noted. But who cares what a chick thinks about this anyway..?..lol kidding Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NDhoosier 1,229 Posted December 5, 2015 Author Share Posted December 5, 2015 Thanks for the advice guys, I think Ill just let her go, she seems paranoid about drama and ****. I think I will just move on now. Tried to at least have contact with her, and she blew it out of proportion. So much potential in her though, sucks to see her emotionally broken. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tdnd81 2 Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 In all honesty, you seem like a very decent guy. Count your blessings and move on. Too many red flags IMHO. You dodged a bullet (tongue in cheek) ^^^^ I agree with this. I know it's tough, but you will be better off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rocketsan 768 Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 I'm pretty sure there aren't any women posters on here, so this probably isn't the best place to get a female POV. Yes there are :/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rocketsan 768 Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 Thanks for the advice guys, I think Ill just let her go, she seems paranoid about drama and ****. I think I will just move on now. Tried to at least have contact with her, and she blew it out of proportion. So much potential in her though, sucks to see her emotionally broken. You Something About Mary her dog? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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