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Episode? on jorny to South Bend

Guest SirJohn

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Guest SirJohn

EPISODE ? Jeese time flys.


Our beer drinking buddies and fans are still in that golf cart on the Interstate trying to find South Bend using a 1969 AAA triptych and the inborn but in this case ill born Indian ability to discern directions under the influence.


Sir John was now dressed in slacks and a Walmart special sale golf sports shirt with the Magnetic tag still attached. A cute thing he saw mentioned in Media that Ty was wearing. He looked just as prim and natty. (What’s become of sportswriters when they discuss how a coach is dressed?)


He had ditched his Indian buckskin outfit per NCAA rules. Most likely causing huge plumbing expense for that Walmart.


As the camera pulls in for a close up he has a dreamy look on his face, most likely caused by too much beer....Remembering.


(Flashback time folks!)


“The Notre Dame team elected me to lead them out of the tunnel at ND onto the field for our first home game.”


“Why did they choose you?”


“I don’t know. Maybe it was the free Keg of beer I bribed them with the other evening that persuaded them, I don’t do those Utah or Nevada things. Anyway the team captain came up to me and grabbed my face mask.”


“Why did he do that?”


“I dunno. I was to busy screaming, HOLDING.. Holding face mask penalty... He then said, Cruddy this is your day. You know what to do.”


“Sounds dramatic.”


“It was. But I didn’t know what to do so had to ask him. He gave me instructions and then said. Take us out.”




“Yep, I led them all out of the tunnel.”


“What happened?”


“Well, I went the wrong way and we milled around in the parking lot outside the stadium for quite a bit. We drew a delay of game, penalty. After the coaches quit beating up on me and getting oriented I then led them out onto the field.”


“What did it feel like?”


Sir John turns to face camera, actually it’s supposed to be facing Coach Dan. Coach Dan turns to camera for reply.. (Lousy editing here.)


Commercial break for cellulite cream, hot buttered pop corn in the theater priced at only $7.00 and up chucking-coming features. Not rated GP 13 while parents scramble to cover their children’s eyes.


Camera cut to Sir John having fallen asleep during the break. Nudged he wakes up and sips a beer. The crew waits for him to remember his lines and holds up some Cue cards.


Sir John peers at them.


“For a good time call 555...”


That’s the wrong Cue card check the other.”





Moments pass and correct cue card goes up.(Below union scale film crew.)


“What did it feel like running out of the tunnel onto the field? I don’t know I woke up in the hospital.”




“Yes. My cleats skidded off the concrete just at the edge of the field and I fell down.”


“You fell down leading Notre Dame football team onto the field?”


“Yes! Ever have 64 Notre Dame players trample all over your body?”


“Can’t say that I have. I hope that U.S.C. feels that way though.”



“I here Matt Lienart is taking ballroom dancing this year at college.”


(Cut to Ethel Mermen singing ‘There’s no business like show business.”)


“Did he give up basket weaving 101?”


“He got a C that’s good enough at U.S.C. That’s what the C stands for in U.S.C. Us got a C..”


“Do you think he will miss Chow?”


“Nope he should be well fed at the training table.”




“I figure if Notre Dame’s band starts playing a Samba he will forget his game plan.”

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