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Smiles to South Bend episode?

Guest SirJohn

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Guest SirJohn

When we last left our two incompetents they were somewhere in Indiana heading for South Bend in a golf cart. After another scenic detour to see a small town labeled ‘The town with Balls.’


(This is true Folks I saw it on CBS. Among a lot of other balls this Indiana town has the worlds largest ball made of paint. *Plugging Indiana tourism here." It’s worth a stop if you are in the area.)


William Tell overture playing and then silence with just an occasional sound of bugs hitting the golf cart windshield with a splat.




The masked Elf turns to his Indian friend in a disappointed way while drinking a beer.


“I did not think calling an Indiana State Trooper a ‘party pooper’ at the last stop was the most brilliant thing you ever said.


“Trust me Muck Fishigan I had worse slips in the past.”


“Worse. In what way?”


“Yes, I once said I do, in a church.” Mutual time and agony pass. “At least I lifted his portable police radio transmitter. He will never miss it.”


(Sounds of garbled background police radio chatter.)


“Garble. Garble. Garbled.”


(Why is it with millions of dollars spent producing Movies and TV that these transmissions in the background are always garbled with all the latest sound technologies available today?)


Sir John is listening intently into the transmitter.


“Did you hear that?”


“No it was garbled.”


Sir John speaks into the transmitter.


“Garble. Garble, Garble.” Then listens to the response.


“I think this lady police dispatcher and I have a thing going on. She wants to meet me at garbled South Bend at something garbled called the Billy Club.”


Coach Dan takes his eyes off the road looking at the slow passing scenery.


“I love Indiana at this time of year. The trash along the Interstate roads and the fields and fields of tall corn hiding growing marijuana plants.


“The trash is from people throwing things at us as they pass by.”


“The masked man does not think a Indian in a sweaty stained buckskin outfit and man in an elf outfit will not stand out too much at the game?”


“Of course not. We will blend right in with the students. Trust me, all we need are rudimentary social skills with students, how are your social skills?”


“Lite years ahead of your own.”


“That does remind me. The NCAA is banning Indian things as they are offensive. You will have to change.”


Sir John pulls a bit of his shirt up to his nose sniffing.


“I did say it’s sweaty. Stop at the nearest Walmart and I’ll get deodorant and a change of clothes.”


(This is where an actor turns to face the camera while pretending to speak to a person.)


“Think of that Wanny and Weis September 3rd”


“Were you talking to me? For Gosh sakes keep your eyes on the road and not the camera.”


Coach Dan veers back onto the road.


“Coach Dan, let’s not take this game litely.”


“Why not? Everybody in Chicago did. He was 41 57. What else will we drink?”


Sir John is seen kicking some items on the floor of the golf cart.


“Why the pile of To Football play books?”


“Those are coloring books for my niece’s and nephews, it’s back to school for all. I just need crayons but To took those.”

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