Have a smile episode #3 or something or other

[Guest SirJohn]

Unfortunately, we return now to those golden dome days of yesteryear.

(William Tell overture playing)

 

When we last left the masked man, Sir Dan, and his (somewhat less faithful and ever growing more doubtful) Indian Companion Sir John were on a speeding (10MPH) golf cart on the way to South Bend on the Interstate Hwy. System.

 

Tracking shot as camera moves in for close up. Camera stops Golf cart does not and screams result as Coach Dan’s face smashes into camera lense. Xtreme close up.

 

The golf cart now has a "Honk if you want to fire Ty" bumper sticker and "GO IRISH banner." It was also covered in pumpkins and gourds.

 

Coach Dan turns to his Indian companion sitting next to him sweating in buckskins in the July heat sipping a beer trying to look and feel cool.

 

“Were getting so many car honks tabulate each one for Domer’s Delight.”

 

A master of disguise, Coach Dan had previously removed his Arnold Schwartzenegger mask and Irish elf outfit to enter a local town, a Will Ferrell movie star he was not, as a result was immediately recognized as someone to watch your beer around.

 

There, disguised as an Amish Farmer selling Pumpkins in a Marlon Brando Godfather mask, they recharged the golf cart, and purchased beer and Bean Burritos before continuing their journey.

 

"Ungah, (Continued Bowel problems made worse by bean burritos and driving.) Muck Fishigan, did you not think we received strange looks back in town? An Amish farmer with an Indian?"

 

Coach Dan attempts to chuckle for Camera but ony succeeds in choking on his beer before explaining.

 

“No, I simply explained you were a recent convert of mine to Amish- Catholic Irishism, open another beer. I’ll explain the whole situation to Pope Benedict."

 

“Ungah, I think your first disguise was a mistake. But I really meant trying to insert your AAA card in that ATM.”

 

“You mean my Cinderella disguise outfit and the glass slippers, I thought it went with the pumpkins.”

 

“Yes, you drew too much attention to us with all that screaming as I picked glass shards out of your bleeding feet.”

 

“I know. I need to drop a few pounds. Want to get off at the next exit?”

 

“That thought has occurred to me.”

 

“Look, Credit me with being the brains of us two fans of Notre Dame. Am I not the one who purchased the tickets to the Pittsburgh game in the bar for both of us on September 3rd at South Bend at such a cheap rate of $120 each?

 

“Muck Fishigan that game is away and at Pittsburgh Pennsylvania, not South Bend.”

 

“Drat! I knew I should have been suspicious of that guy’s Purdue sweatshirt. Ty’s cursed me”

 

"Ungah, when do you think we will arrive in South Bend?"

 

"You’re the Indian Scout but at this speed, sometime around Thanksgiving.

 

That's why I have the pumpkins on the golf cart? It is so we will blend in. Do you think I am a fool?"

 

"Ungah, sometimes, but but it is late July right now. If we arrive in around November, we should get more honks when the Canadian geese leave and start flying South for the winter.

 

“Do they really leave the area in November? I distinctly remember getting a goose in the stands during some November football game.”

 

Crane shot of golf cart and cars whizzing by.”

 

"Do you think I need to change?"

 

"Ungah, I certainly, but some will resist any change."

 

"Is it my fault that I erred by changing into this disguise in the woman's rest room at that last rest stop? I was distracted."

 

"Ungah, how can one make a mistake like that?"

 

"For you it's difficult for me it's easy. I was watching definite enema,,,I mean enemy football spies. Didn't you notice those Tennessee people on the way to vacation in Gary Indiana? Didn't that make you the least suspicious of them? People from Nashville vacationing in Gary?"

 

"Ungah, you mean those Tennessee people you sold a pumpkin to while singing about your cheatin heart?"

 

"The whole thing reeked in a suspicious manner. Open another beer. Certainly Nashville can’t be duller then Gary?

 

"Ungah, reeking? That is because these are rotting pumpkins from last year glued on. This year’s pumpkins are not yet in season."

 

"Muck Fishigan sometimes I wonder why we are in this golf cart.”

 

“I told you it was suggested that we get out and around more by our rehab program counselor. Open another beer. I can’t wait to see the first game of 2005.”

 

“Muck Fishigan I can hardly focus on anything right now.”

 

Sir John